The dream of perfect sleep may be making you an insomniac

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The key to a good night’s sleep might actually be to ditch the sleep trackers, supplements and rigid routines. Photo / 123rf
If you’re intent on making sleep happen, it probably won’t.
As a professional basketball player, Adam Kemp learned discipline – and that extended to his sleep.

“Restful sleep hasn’t come easily to me,” says Kemp, a fitness consultant who until recently played professionally in Poland. “I tried a
lot of different strategies: melatonin supplements, meditation, deep-breathing exercises and noise machines. Focusing too much on achieving the ‘perfect’ sleep often made falling asleep even harder. I found that the more I pressured myself to sleep perfectly, the less restful my nights became.”

Kemp’s desire for “ideal sleep” isn’t unique. The concept of “sleepmaxxing” is all over TikTok, for example. It can include extreme measures, such as drinking a magnesium cocktail before bed or using a nasal dilator to “perfect” your breathing.
Not only are these strategies potentially unsafe for some people, experts say, but they’re most likely useless, because if you’re intent on making sleep happen, it probably won’t.
“The more logical you are about sleep, the more you’re going to mess up your chances of getting it,” says Rafael Pelayo, a clinical professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences in Stanford University’s Sleep Medicine division. “Sleep is about giving up control.”
A majority of Americans today say they don’t get enough sleep, according to Gallup polling from earlier this year. And the National Institutes of Health reports that one in three Americans “do not regularly get the recommended amount of uninterrupted sleep they need to protect their health”.
The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends adults sleep seven or more hours a night for good health.
A small German study this year found that perfectionistic traits such as self-doubt and worrying over mistakes can lead to trouble falling asleep, less sleep and poor-quality sleep.
Another recent small study, this one from the University of Melbourne in Australia, indicated not only that perfectionism is linked to poor sleep but that if a perfectionist tries to follow others’ suggestions on how to remedy the problem, they could develop chronic insomnia.
“When people who are high-strung, anxious and prone to worrying about various health-related symptoms start concentrating more on sleep, paying closer attention to it can have a negative effect,” says Bhanu Kolla, a psychiatry and psychology professor and consultant at the Centre for Sleep Medicine at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.
You might think a night of deep, uninterrupted rest is the gold standard, but it’s not.
“It’s normal to wake up several times during the night,” Pelayo explains. “Our bodies are wired to do this for safety. If we experienced nothing but ‘perfect’ sleep, meaning only deep REM sleep all night long, we could miss danger.
“If we still lived in caves, we’d miss predators, for example. Waking up during the night is how animals protect themselves. So, rather than trying to achieve ‘perfection,’ ideal sleep has to be defined as refreshing sleep.”
You’ll know you’re getting refreshing sleep if you don’t wake up tired, he adds. “If you’re sleeping in on the weekends, that’s a problem – you’re doing that to compensate for lack of sleep during the week.”
If you go to bed too early, you might sabotage the night. “If you spend a lot of time in bed but you’re not sleeping, this can set you up for insomnia,” says Kolla. “Also, using untested supplements or alcohol to enhance sleep can also result in worse sleep, plus potential side effects and possibly addiction.”
Proceed with caution on melatonin. The hormone melatonin, which helps regulate the body’s circadian rhythms, is used as a sleep aid by five million Americans at least once a month, according to the National Council on Ageing.
The council reports, however, that the side effects of melatonin are not fully understood, and many people take more than the average dosage of one to five milligrams.
Sleep trackers can put you on a slippery slope. “Paying excessive attention to sleep duration and sleep scores that various devices provide does not have any clear clinical validation,” says Kolla. “Starting to worry about these scores and various stages of sleep is likely going to lead to more anxiety, and worse sleep.”
Using sleep trackers incessantly can ultimately cause orthosomnia, a more extreme and unhealthy obsession with the concept of “ideal” sleep in which you check your tracker so often that you feel distressed if you can’t access it.
A regular routine is vital. Go to bed and get up at the same times every day.
“Letting your brain know that there is a consistent wake time and a consistent sleep time helps set you up for success,” says Kolla.
“Wind down time away from all stimulation before bed. Moderate your alcohol and caffeine intake. You should also avoid naps during the daytime, and make sure your bedroom is quiet, dark and comfortable.”
Channel your inner child. “Ideally, you want to go to bed thinking like a 5- or 6-year-old kid,” Pelayo says. “A child that age doesn’t go to bed worrying about paying the rent or mortgage. They stay in the moment – they feel safe, and they don’t have ruminating thoughts. It’s so important to put anything that’s worrying you aside until tomorrow when you get into bed. If you ruminate because when you get into bed, you’re alone with your thoughts for the first time all day, try journaling. Write down everything you’re worried about, and tell yourself you’ll deal with it in the morning.”
“When a patient says to me, ‘No matter how much sleep I get, I’m always tired,’ then I must measure your sleep through a sleep evaluation,” says Pelayo. “If you have a bed partner and they tell you [that] you stop breathing during the night, that could be sleep apnea. I’ve never seen a spouse be wrong about that yet.”
Be gentle with yourself. A recent study from the University of Arkansas and Ball State University found that self-compassion can serve as an antidote to perfectionism about sleep. Keeping your clock, watch and phone out of sight so you can’t check the time frequently is a kind way to encourage yourself to rest.
Kemp has eased up on his approach to sleep. “What works best for me now is a routine that emphasises relaxation without strict rules,” he says.
Simple changes, such as using a fan for cool air as he sleeps, have made a big difference.
“I’ve also integrated a 10- to 20-minute self-massage routine with a foam roller or massage gun, followed by progressive muscle relaxation,” he adds. “This has been a game changer in calming my muscles before bed. These strategies have allowed me to stop chasing ‘perfect’ sleep, and focus on what actually works to help me feel rested and rejuvenated.”
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